It’s been over a week since my husband passed away. To be honest I really don’t know how I feel at the moment.
I still can’t believe that he is gone now, gone forever. And I will be missing him every single day for the rest of my life.
We were together for eleven years, married for ten years. He was my soulmate, best friend ever and best husband I could ever have. He spoiled me and took care of me. He gave me everything he got. The best gift he ever gave me was Risa and she is all I have now.

He died last Saturday on 8 January at 8:07 PM. I was there watching him dying. His breathing was fast at first and then it gotten weaker and weaker. I talked to him, even though I know that he couldn’t talk but I know that he knows and listening to me and Risa’s babbling
Watching him die was one of the hardest thing in my life. But Risa made everything seems possible and easier. She would smile every time I start to cry. And there I stop crying and smiling back at her.

Now everything is only a memory. One thing for sure, memory will never die. He will be remembered as a loving husband, father and uncle.
I need to start writing a diary for Risa. So that one day I will tell her everything about her father. From his favorite books, meals, hobbies and everything I know about her father.

I have some many unanswered questions to God. People keep saying that everything happens for a reason and just let God do his work.
Still I keep questing myself, why me, why Risa. It’s not like we’ve done a terrible thing in the past. I just don’t understand why he took him away from us. He was my home and happiness. Now that he’s gone, I feel homeless and have nowhere to go even though he left us with a house and everything we needed.

Anyway, SIL is helping me out with everything. From paper works to house cleaning etc.
Naoya’s friends and colleagues are also helping me out with insurances. I hope I can stay strong and move on with my new life.

This is the last picture of Naoya and his daughter. Taken a few days before he passed away.