Author: Leony

7 months

7 months

11-8-8-8:07: 7 months has passed.
And I’m still grieving and sadly none of the ppl I know truly understand how I feel. Wait there’s one because she’s also lost someone she love so much recently. But she told me that her lost is nothing compare to me.

I need to talk so someone, someone that experienced the same thing. Someone that also lost her spouse. May I say widow to widow talk?
Some say that I need get over it and face the reality. Believe me. I am trying so damn hard to face the truth the he’ll never ever going to come back. I’m still keeping my husband’s things, his favourite things. I want and need to show them to my daughter someday when she’s grow up. read more

Happy Birthday Lil Risa!

Happy Birthday Lil Risa!

A year ago today at 4 :19 AM my little girl Risa Kitamura was born. She was taken from my not-so-comfy womb at week 30 and 3-day due to pregnancy complication Total Placenta Previa. 

I remember I felt a huge gush bleeding. The blood was all over the bed before the nurse even reach my door room at the hospital.

It was crazy. I will always remember it. The very last night I carry my baby in my belly. I don’t think I’m able to have a baby again since my husband’s now gone. And I don’t intend to remarriage.  My life now is all about Risa. She is all I have now. read more

Miss him so much

Miss him so much

I’ve been crying every day ever since he left. It just hurt so bad. I miss his voice calling out my name. I miss talking and laughing with him. I miss going out to dinner, shop and travel with him. God I miss everything about him. Dear God why did you take him away from us. We needed him and you took him away. It’s not fair. Why can’t I live normally just like most people do.

All I wanted is to have a normal life. Ever since I was born my life has been always out of ordinary. I wanted my daughter to live the life I couldn’t get to live but she ended up the same like me. She will never be able feel how is it like to be loved by her father. I’m scared that someday she will ask about her father and I don’t know if I can answer all of her questions. It’s not going to be easy for me raising her all by myself. But I have to and I must. I hope I can be there for my little daughter in every step of the way. Until my time come. read more