Leony.net

My life ~ My Journey

Rant

I need to get this out of my chest.

 I’m sick and tired of posting my pathetic status on FB or Twitter. I feel like am the only one with lots of problems there. Reading my friends status sometimes make me sick to my stomach. It seemed they’re all happy and God loves them very much. It’s so unfair to some of us with bunch of problems in their lives

 Im not talking about unemployed or got fired from work etc. I’m talking about dying and losing someone you love so much  along with having pregnancy complications and the possibility of having premmie baby.

I know that they don’t mean anything by posting their status and I don’t hate them for that. I just hate that why my life is so messed up. As far as I remember I helped a lot of people including my own family. And even though I’m not rich I do charity to those who needed.

I don’t understand why and still wonder about what I have  done in the past that would make my life so miserable.

You see I don’t come from happy family like most of my friends. I never know my father. Don’t know what is like to be spoiled by your parents. Sexually abused since age 8 doesn’t make me a strong person. Haunted by my past life a lot. And now my husband is dying from cancer and my pregnancy complications make things even worse. 

Still think God loves me? I don’t know and I don’t have the answer for that. 

My only happiness right now is the baby. Love to feel her moving and kicking in my belly. But the happiness won’t stay long because I bleed every now and then and doctor planning to take her out if the blood doesn’t stops. 

How sad is that? I won’t be able to feel her anymore but I will see her in NICU for a while after she’s born and won’t be able to bring her home.

I’m scared for by unborn child and my husband. It is so hard to stay strong for both if them but I will try…

I just love my life so much!!!!

Author: Leony

I have so many interest that I can hardly list them :p Outgoing, loving and love shopping especially sales month. I like summer and love Autumn so much.

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