It’s been over one hour and I’m still waiting for a doctor appointment today and fertility clinic. Got a feeling that I’m having another miscarriage again. The tiny baby has stopped growing, just like 2 years ago.
Just don’t understand why God gives hope but then he took it away again. Im not tired of trying but I’m tired of putting my hope again and again but it never works.
Though the baby might stopped growing since 5 weeks pregnancy but I still feel the pregnancy symptom and I hate it. I don’t want to feel pregnant while I’m losing the baby.
Wanna take pictures again. But don’t know where to start again. Just lost interest on everything for the last 7 years. I guess grief has taken a great toll on me.
But now that I’m back reside living in my birth country I don’t know where to start. I need a huge motivations to bring back the “old me” again.
I guess things will never be the same again when it’s broken shattered into pieces.
I miss myself, I miss the “old me”. I miss the person I used to be.
I can’t believe it’s November already. The weather is getting cold, winter is definitely here. Not really fond of Winter because it makes me feel so lonely than ever. Supposed to be Autumn though but I guess no Autumn this year in Japan? LOL. Gotta stay warm during the cold season, I couldn’t afford to get sick since I’m a single mother now.
Risa is 3 year and 7 month old now. Watching her growing day by day is really something and I wouldn’t trade with anything in the world 🙂
I treasure every moment with her. She grows so fast, every moment is precious and I won’t waste it.
I slept only for two hours last night. Risa had high fever 39.7 Celsius and the fever finally broke down at 5 AM. I’m a bit sleepy right now but I don’t feel tired at all. Losing weight gave me a lot of benefits other than looking good. I also feel less tired after I shed 7 kg (15 pounds) in less than two months. I feel GREAT!
Back to Risa, Risa has been sick on and off lately. Mostly mild cold but since she has asthma so it always get worse. No matter how careful I am with cleaning the dust in the house, she keeps getting asthma attacks every month. Maybe it from allergy reaction from something but I haven’t been using any chemicals cleaning stuff at home since she was born. I even made my own fabric softener from vinegar and essential oils. I cleaned the bathroom and house using Dr.Bronner magic soap. We’re using hardwood floor at home so I don’t think her asthma came from the dust.